tttongue tttttieeeed / skinnnnnnnnnned aliiiiiiiiiiiiive

I will leave the wallpaper life
I'm running away to the foreign legion
As the tanks roll into town
A little bit of knowledge will destroy you
As the tanks roll into town
A little bit of knowledge will destroy you
I dont know why I feel so tongue-tied
I dont know why I feel so skinned alive
Run until your lungs are sore
Until you cannot feel it anymore
Run until your lungs are sore
Until you find an open door
I build you up to pull you down
Tie you to your feet, and watch you drown
A little bit of knowledge will destroy you
I build you up to pull you down
Tie you to the stake, and watch you burn in hell, in hell
I dont know why I feel so tongue-tied
I dont know why I feel so skinned alive
I'll find another skin to wear
I'll find another skin to wear
--"cuttooth" radiohead

Random Stuff

The Bush Administration's Top 40 Lies About War and Terrorism.

Bill Maher blog. (Haven't checked it out. Can take him or leave him, sometimes, sometimes not.

Gravitas

The Acting President gave a press conference today. Here's the text. Here's the gist: homosexuals are sinners; he uses more clichés than Dennis Miller on an underbooked taping of the Tonight Show; he can't follow multiple-part questions; we're closer to getting Saddam than we were yesterday...you know, I have to stop reading now because it's making me angry.

Another question: if there were 28 pages in the 9/11 report about the Iraqi government's connection to Al-q...forget it.

What Deaner Is Talking About (Redux)

The first big media lie of the 2004 election coverage is that Howard Dean is some sort of whacko leftist. If you think that, you are very lazy and need to read something occasionally. He is a Clinton-type centrist who likes guns (states rights) but hates illegal wars. Is that too much for anyone to get their head around? He may get his picture taken with scotch guard-inhaling rock nerds from Pennsylvania, but that's about it. (Note: God/My Higher Self hasn't told me which candidate to support, but I kinda like Dean and this bullshit bothers me.)

Boner Patrol

Well, I realize that I haven’t been around lately. I’m terribly sorry—I am probably the most valuable source for hard news this side of the New York Post’s editorial page—but it has been a very exciting week, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it. I’m not exactly sure of the best way to say this, so I’m just going to blurt it out:

I have been communing with something perfect and absolute: God and/or my higher self.

Now, I didn’t exactly go looking for this. I rarely look for anything if I don’t think I can find it at the bottom of a bottle of Olde English. No, God and/or my higher self came looking for me. God and/or my higher bumped into me late last Friday in a Communist book store, smelling of gasoline and absinthe.

God and/or my higher self put his/her/its hand on my shoulder, looked me square in the eye, and said, “Yo, dawg, the lambs have gone astray and we really need a playa like you on da team.”

Now, I hear this kind of thing all the time—from groups like the Log Cabin Republicans, the NAACP, Radiohead, just to name a few. It is the inevitable by-product of being such a suspiciously well-rounded and intelligent individual. But this time it really struck a chord; plus, I had something to bargain for. “Do you promise to remove the ingrown hair on the tip of my nose, God and/or my higher self?”

“In time, son and/or my lower self, in time. And I will reveal to you some of the secrets of the universe, if you reveal yours to me.”

“Cool.”

It will be a bit before I can tell you more, as we are just beginning stroll down the beach together, me riding God and/or my higher self piggyback. But here are some things to slake your unquenched interest.

Moral superiority can be an incredibly dangerous thing.

Even though Joe Lieberman has officially rendered the Republican Party irrelevant, they will continue to abuse their power in an unprecedented fashion. And blow smoke, of course.

Let us not quibble over the Acting President’s infamous 16 words. Let us parse these 704 instead.

And we agreed that Monica Bellucci is fucking hot.

Keep on self-actualizin’!

Yellowcake is Nothing

How about betting on this being the story of the year? I won't hold my breath, but there is hope. Dum spiro, spero.

Correction

Below I accused Condoleeza Rice of being the White House official who demanded the yellowcake story get played up in the SotU. I was wrong. It was Robert Joseph, who obviously has no connection to her. Ahem. I regret the error, and wish Robert Joseph well as he puts on his kneepads and takes the hit. (By the way, Joseph taught at Carleton. Macalester rules! Go Scots!)

All Hail to the Thief

An angry day in the Goodtimes household. Democracy.

Genie Let Out of the Bottle?

Murderers, you're murderers. We are not the same as you.

Rich People are Assholes

Smokestack will love this.

The 11-time All-Star ruptured a tendon in his right ankle Thursday night while running out a double after pausing at the plate as if he thought his drive to left field would be a home run.

I'm Not Crazy, You're Crazy

Scary shit.

Explain This to Me

Lieberman and Dean want Tenet to resign. I expected this from Joe, but Howard, why? Sure, it would be great if he resigned and started telling the truth about what was going on, but that won't happen. And you KNOW it was Condoleeza, not Tenet, right? You know that, don't you? I'm a moron and I know that. Call for her resignation. And don't stop there. People do not like this administration. Don't believe the media's lies.

Oh, By the Way

The anti-war protestors were right. On every count. You want to debate this? Stare at your own asshole in the mirror. That's the only way you can win. Try fucking yourself while you're at it.

Elegy

A nice story about my old buddy, Rasho. (Not Sasha.)

Encroachment

Why Rush is bad for ESPN and football here.

Unnnggghhh

This must be what happens to conservative virgins when the semen gets all backed up in their brain.

Allow me to take empty idiotic rhetoric a step further. If you do not support a Palestinian state, you hate black people. Why do Republicans hate black people? Don't answer that.

When you’re walking backwards into hell, No one can see you, only god.

Watch the lambs go astray.

Bush Loses Mind

Quote: "We gave him a chance to allow the inspectors in, and he wouldn't let them in."
I am not making this up. And if you don't believe it, there is video of him on the White House's website. Click "play video" next to "President Reaffirms Strong Position on Liberia." It's toward the end. 11:50. Text of speech is here. Scroll to bottom. Perhaps he just mispoke again.

Words of Wisdom

Do not trust anyone who pays to drink Corona. (Worse for men, but you were right, Toyletboi.)

Do not trust any man who wears flip-flops or sandals.

Chicks dig mouth farts.

Ok, Goodbye, Now Would You Please Fuck Off?

In honor of the esteemed Ari Fleischer's last day as press secretary, here is a very flattering picture of him resting on the beach.

What the Deaners Were Talking About

Thames Torture reports that Howard Dean is not about to be outdone by John Kerry's unearthed photo with John Lennon... click!

For Blur Fans Only

Some very intriguing and exciting Graham news.

Okay, One More With Feeling

So much ridiculous shit here today.

Please, God, Forgive Me for Linking to Sludge

Who else is a Kerry man now?

The End of Politics

What's the point? Enough. You're wrong. I'm wrong. Perhaps you're more wrong, but whatever. Pull the phone out of the wall. Let the wolf in. Happy Friday, take out your spelling sheets. Get aroused watching "The Fifth Wheel." Breathe in, breathe out. Tell jokes. Punctuational humor.

"What did the pen say to the paper?" "I dot my 'I's on you!"

Don't read this. Or this. Read this and this. Or try and get laid for once. You could probably do it if you paid for it.

The Arhythmic Art of Awful Alliteration

Some people might think from reading this blog that I am anti-war. Not true. I just haven't gotten over the fact that war didn't start right away. I remember lying in bed the morning of that September 12th, rolling over to gaze upon Gary Bauer and cooing, "Dead darkies by dawn." (Gary is such a swell bedmate, always willing to sleep in the previous evening’s santorum.) But I don't digress enough: No more BJs or butt fucking for Bill Frist til there's federal funding for Bob Jones!

...someday they'll have people like me killed...

Clinton Lied, Hillary Cried; Bush Lied, People Died

My Bush-bashing is probably becoming one-note and shrill. I am not Mr. Clinton-lover, but here's a good example of the differences between the two in a rundown of the Bush trip to Africa here.
It amazes me that some people don't think we should give a shit about the rest of the world. The same people have chronic Cheesy Poof dust in their fingernails. That's a big reason why there's anti-American terrorism.

And what the fuck is anybody supposed to think when Ari says, "I think the burden [of proof] is on those people who think [Saddam] didn't have weapons of mass destruction to tell the world where they are." Challenge?

And Saddam is a dick, too. For the record.

I Hate Washington

Here's my problem with Hillary: She should have sliced off (or dug out) his shriveled, piggly-wiggly little dick and made him eat that.

Rubik is the New Black

I kind of like it.

Preparing For Disappointment (Either Way)

Odd music news of the day:

Life to the Pixies?

Could this be better than the Travelling Wilburys?

And new Ween.

I Guess I Hate Lyndon LaRouche

Check it out! An interesting survey.

For DB in SF

Warms the cockles of the heart.

Clinton Lied About a Blowjob

But this is no big deal.

Though I try not to watch, it was fun last night to hear a right-leaning Christian tell Sean Hannity to read the bible. (I can't find info; don't remember his name—but if they can spread shit off the top of their heads, I can, too.)

It's a Hard-Knock Life For Us

Remember hearing all about the liberation of a children's prison in Iraq, shortly after the fall of Baghdad? Not true.
This administration is really good at making shitty things worse. Learned from Atrios.

Why Not a Torn MCL?

I've wished many bad things to happen to Kobe, but this is a bit much. For him if it's untrue, for her if it is.

Signs of Aging

I'm starting to enjoy Bob Dylan.

Nothing Seems to Come from Something

Amen.

Sunset Coming On

A real blogger at work.

My Two Dads

On occasion, I flippantly use the word "faggot" as a derogatory term. Now, I hate political correctness, but I am ashamed of my use of that word, even if I don't mean it to mean "person who has sex with someone of the same sex." I am working on it.
And, oh, you think I'm crazy? Check this out.

Advertisements for Myself

"i caught up on your blog today. it was fun to read, but you are out of your fucking mind."
-- Big Daddy Hotcakes

Put that on the back of the softcover!

Amber, are you my mom? I'm gonna ask you, okay? And you say yes, okay? Amber, are you my mom?

I had forgotten how beautiful Heather Graham is.

Boneless Chikken

let me alone here.
tending to my boneless chikken
takes concentration.
must keep an eye on
his organs. they’re unprotected, of course.
a coat thin of feathers lends little support.
his beak and feet are practically useless,
being as all he is is cartilidge and flesh. but i help him by
cradling him in my hands like a wonder when i can.
when he starts tipping forward and he’s alone
he lifts his neck a bit
and leans against the side of the wall
when he’s near the side of the wall
or another stable object. but it
always leaves bruises and sometimes blood, so,
needless to say, we
try to avoid that.
so let me alone here,
tending to my boneless chikken.
tending to my creatures
takes concentration.

Ha Ha, Very Funny

1) Pay a visit to Google.

2) Type in (without using any quotes): weapons of mass destruction

3) Click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" icon.

You'll see why. Just go...
From www.thismodernworld.com

A Taste of What's Ahead

Here.

I am proud to be a liberal, myself. Why let hate-mongering maggots take that word away? WHY? WHY?
Again, I AM A LIBERAL. And my politics are about the only thing I'm proud of.
Oh, and FUCK YOU Joe Lieberman. You are a miserable sack of shit.

All Apologies

I'm taking this too seriously. Today, anyway. I will make amends soon.

You Never Give Me Your Money

Have too shitty a record to run on? Just make shit up.

At Long Last, Have You No Decency, Sir?

What do they have to hide? When is anybody going to notice? Same goes for the 9/11 commission. This isn't partisanship, this is saving "America." Or the children. Yeah, think of the children.

Pass the Hydrator, Please

But wouldn't you prefer mental illness "later in life"? I'd prefer it now, in fact. At least, higher-grade mental illness.

Stop Acting So Sensitive

"What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?"
Smokestack says, "What?"
Myrtle says, "You can't fuck a rock."

Courtesy of The Lady, via Smokestack.

All Governments are Liars and Murders

A column by the thinking man's, attractive Ann Coulter. I even forgive her for being a Reaganite Republican.

Welcome Back

Media Whores Online is back.

I'm Sure He Won't Let It Go to His Head

Via NME. Something tells me he didn't hear The Eminem Show. "My Dad's Gone Crazy" excepted, of course.

Giving Liberalism a Bad Name

Cough, cough.

al Qaida Rhetoric

Via President Douchebag.
Of course, everything points to the fact that we don't have the troops necessary. It must also be of comfort to the 64 families that have had soldiers killed since he hopped on the Lincoln and declared the shit over. For the record, Americans are starting to wise up to what a lying piece of shit this administration is. But they probably don't care. Moo. Go back to bed. Keep drinking beer. (I know I will.)

What we, uh, "re-quire" is that you get your god-damn asses up in them woods.

I found a better Strom Thurmond obituary here.

Donkey-Raping Shiteater

If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself to watch South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut on Comedy Central Friday night at 1 a.m. (EST). It sounds as though it will be in its full, unedited glory. It is one of the funniest films ever.

More le Donque

Here is his IMDB listing.

Hello Sunshine

The new Super Furry Animals website is up : Phantom Power!
Looks a bit like a work-in-progress, but there's shit there.

The album actually comes out in America at the same time as the rest of the world (July 22). But does the DVD? It's not as good as their last couple (which would quite a feat). But it has its moments.
What is Phantom Power? According to Gruff Rhys, “Speakers and microphones work on phantom power, there’s no batteries and they’re not connected to the mains, and yet they work. Similarly, as a band our make up is the same as anybody else and yet we write songs and play music to people, and we have no idea why. It’s a mysterious power source. I like the idea of it, a phantom power that nobody understands.
“’Phantom Power’ also sounds like a sinister power source that controls the world from beyond people’s comprehension. And a lot of the things that go on today seem completely illogical and I think we watch the world go by with disbelief.”