"Silence the Mocker and Strife Will Cease"

The sad aftermath of an interview with Borat. Is nice!

Good ESPN v. Bad ESPN

Wow, the Boycott ESPN is really moving along. The most outrageous thing in this article is that they're dumping David Aldridge and promoting Stephen A. Smith. Can you fucking believe that? I sincerely cannot.

Make the Hot Chicks Smoke Again

ESPN Sucks

It does. It is a bastion for ignorant blowhards. Stuart Scott alone is enough to make anyone sick. Here is half-serious talk of a boycott. You know what I hate most about ESPN? Fucking Mike Greenberg. If you have ESPNEWS, they simulcast his radio show, "Mike & Mike" (the other Mike is "Golic," who's actually pretty good) from about 6 to 10. He is a smug moron with a bad haircut. They were talking about Delgado boycotting "God Bless America," and while they rightfully defended his right to do whatever he wants as a Puerto Rican paying his taxes to the Canadian government (hey! it's america's pasttime!), here what he said (paraphrasing):

I have no problem with protesting. And Delgado has his own private little thing going on. But when people try to draw attention to themselves, then I really wonder what their motivation is.

Do I have to go over the insane logic behind this argument? No, Mike Golic cut him down to size for me. Sure, a celebrity might glom onto a cause to raise their profile. But...

I see the PETA people, with their exhibitions, etc.

I'm by no means a supporter or fan of PETA, but isn't their goal to bring attention to their cause, however they can? Eh, enough.

In short, I want Mike Greenberg's head on a stick. Stat!

Danger

Earlier this week, there was a post about "The Hysterical Skies," about the woman scared of the Arab musicians on her plane acting suspiciously. In the comments, it was mentioned that there was a problem with the plane and Feds had to get involved. That turns out to be true.

Unpatriotic

Just thought everyone should know that Carlos Delgado is a Puerto Rican paying taxes to the Canadian government.

Also, he is apparently not a member of the band The Delgados, who did this riptits version of ELO's riptits tune, "Mr. Blue Sky."

The Blind Stagger

He's a uniter, not a divider.

Sandy Berger is a moron. Why do they give Them ammo?

Good Songs for People Who Love Great Songs Done Very Badly and Labored Puns, Etc.

Shatner and Joe Jackson annihilate Pulp's Common People.

Vanity Post

I could use some new music. In this internet age, I almost enjoy hunting for it more than listening to it. Here's where my head is at so far this year.

Class Acts:
Modest Mouse, Good News...
Wilco, A Ghost Is Born
The Streets, A Grand Don't Come for Free

Good Enough Tier 1:
Graham Coxon, Happiness In Magazines
The Fiery Furnaces, Blueberry Boat
Franz Ferdinand, S/T
Morrissey, You Are the Quarry

Good Enough Tier 2:
Blonde Redhead, Misery Is a Butterfly
The Charlatans, Up At the Lake
Elbow, Cast of Thousands
The Polyphonic Spree, Together We're Heavy
Sonic Youth, Sonic Nurse

Jury Still Out/Crap/Disappointments:
Beastie Boys, To the 5 Boroughs
The Beta Band, Heroes to Zeros
Clinic, Winchester Cathedral
The Cure, S/T
Interpol, Antics
Prodigy, Always Outnumbered Never Outgunned

Album I Want Released:
Fiona Apple, Extraordinary Machine

What else?

Team America

This oughta be good.

The Failure Campaign

Good op-ed about the mechanisms of amending the consitution in order to protect the sancitity of marriage. I've heard this guy's book is really good, too.

Dedicated Follower of Fashion

Tucker Carlson sure is a classy guy.

UPDATE: Changed the link to something that works better.

Unborn Chikken Voice

Normally, I would take a Radiohead quiz and keep it to my sad, lonely self. But then this one makes me feel even sadder and more lonely by telling me:

Of the users who took the test and are and in your age group, 0% scored lower than you.

This is by no means bragging. It means I am too old for this shit. Or I need a job that takes up more of my time.

Allmusic Was My Radar

I just want to take a moment to second everything this guy says. If I could only have access to 10 websites in the world, allmusic would be one. I hope they fix that shit.

The World Is Spinning Too Fast, I'm Buyin' Lead Nike Shoes

I hate to be the type to pass along petitions and shit, but here's a no-brainer.

Brit Hume Sure Looks German to Me

This is probably old news to most, but I really am getting aroused by all the anti-Fox News shit going down. DISCLAIMER: Sean Hannity once stiffed me when I was working as a Rentboy on Christopher Street. Hey, I was just out of college, etc.

Let's Get Happy

Well, after that great news, allow me to offer all Blur/Parklife fans this curious thingamajig. And if you're not a Blur/Parklife fan, you will always be sad and unhappy.

UPDATE: Actually, you may enjoy Parkspliced more if you harbor great animus toward Albarn & Co. Or you're lost in a k-hole.

Things You Can Do, Some Can't Be Done

Now, it takes quite a bit to shock me (what with my low estimation of humanity), but this is literally unreal.

Quote of the Day

The king of the Twins blogging kingdom, John Bonnes is by far the best, most well-written writer in the business.

I am such an asshole, I won't link it.

dodgy never sleeps. david bowie's arteries.

The Dodgy Sessions Vol. 31
for a digital copy of the Dodgy Sessions Volume 31 e-mail colin PERIOD carlson AT gmail DOT com and you will receive the sessions as a zip file via dropload.com (not as sexy as it sounds).


tracklisting:
"Thank You for Sending Me an Angel" Talking Heads
"Fallen Angel" Elbow
"Extraordinary Machine" Fiona Apple
"Sweet Thing / Candidate / Sweet Thing (Reprise)" David Bowie
"Beesting" Ugly Casanova
"Misery Is a Butterfly" Blonde Redhead
"Spiders (Kidsmoke)" Wilco
"B+A" The Beta Band

"Your Cover's Blown" Belle and Sebastian
"Fit but You Know It" The Streets
"Bonafide Treasure" The Charlatans
"Surf Champion" Coach Said Not To
"Two Thousand Places" The Polyphonic Spree
"Go Progress Chrome" Grandaddy
"Stay Forever" Ween
"3 Inch Horses, Two Faced Monsters" Modest Mouse

Endtimes

I
think
it's
all
falling
apart.
....all the angryrabidrats in a corner...

After the Fall, Conjugal Visits, My Disembodied Head, etc.

One of These Days I'm Going to Cut You Into Little Pieces

rall.com

From the Department of Terrible Ideas...

This was in my work inbox today. I bet it's as good as Suessical and maybe even better than "The Super Dodgy Donkey Hour."

David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry and Hank Azaria will head the cast of the eagerly anticipated new musical, Monty Python's SPAMALOT.

Monty Python's SPAMALOT, a new musical lovingly ripped-off from the internationally famous comedy team's most popular motion picture, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, begins previews at Broadway's Shubert Theatre (225 West 44th St.) on February 7, 2005 and opens on March 10, 2005. SPAMALOT will arrive on Broadway following a four-week World Premiere engagement at Chicago's Shubert Theatre (December 21, 2004 - January 16, 2005).

Directed by Mike Nichols, SPAMALOT features a book by Eric Idle, based on the screenplay of Monty Python and the Holy Grail by Monty Python creators Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones and Michael Palin, with an entirely new score featuring music and lyrics by Eric Idle and John Du Prez, along with three songs from the 1975 film.

Telling the legendary tale of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, and their quest for the Holy Grail, Monty Python's SPAMALOT features a chorus line of dancing divas and knights, flatulent Frenchmen, killer rabbits and one legless knight who create unforgettable musical production numbers that Eric Idle promises will be "as good as or quite likely better than any other show with killer rabbits and a legless knight opening on Broadway or in Chicago this season."

"I like the title SPAMALOT a lot," says Eric Idle. "We tested it with audiences on my recent US tour and they liked it as much as I did, which is gratifying. It comes from a line in the movie which goes: 'I eat jam, and ham and Spam a lot.'"

Directed by Mike Nichols? Hope I die before I get old.

Fuck the Dumbshits

The best part of Kerry choosing Edwards as VP (which I called in this space 7 years ago)? The NY Post's coverage.