The Dodgy Endorsement/Self-Indulgence
The Life Myopic hereby endorses John Kerry for President of the United States.
And yeah, it's more of an "endorsement against" Bush than anything. But so what? What choice does any educated, thinking person really have?* Sure, the odds of a Kerry or Bush presidency having a direct effect on my life are pretty small; right, Trey Parker? I am middle class, I am white, I am male, and I am right-handed (though I skateboard as a left-handed person would**).
I live in Manhattan and work in the Empire State Building. And, to be honest with you, I don’t ever fear for my life. I think the chances of a terrorist attack like 9/11 reoccurring (in America) are very small. All the same, I don’t want to die (ever), and I don’t want anyone I care about to die -- and it appears to me that Bush cannot defend this country. He sure as hell couldn’t three years ago. Hell, even if he was better than Kerry in this regard -- which he’s not -- I’m not sooooo scaaaared that my little life trumps the progress of mankind, which Bush is clearly intent on retarding.
Speaking of scary shit outside of your control, what if, somewhere down the road, I or someone I care about is stricken with Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s? As Laura Bush so eloquently put it, there is no guarantee that stem cell research will cure these ailments, but can we really afford to sit and wonder “what if” when God decides to shake us like a polaroid picture?*** Scientific progress has a fighting chance with Kerry in office.
Then there’s the war in Iraq. Holy shit, are we fucked. Can Kerry really internationalize the forces? Good luck, buddy, you’re going to need it. I cannot speak directly of Kerry’s plans for Iraq (really, who has time to keep up with Kerry when Bush fucks up as much as he does?), but you can read a good, reasoned analysis here. Personally, I don’t believe there will be a draft any time soon, no matter who is elected, but at the rate Bush is going, who can say that today’s germ-ridden, 5 year-old kid isn’t going to be in the desert 15 years from now?
Oh yeah. Like most assholes, I believe that gay people should be afforded all the same rights as straight and asexual people. Abortion should remain legal, if only in the event that I myself get pregnant, and sex education should be taught in the schools, I don’t care how squeamish some parents may get. It's for the greater good. In fact, my fundie friends, the gagortion rate has gone up since Bush took (and I mean took) office. Is it because people are loving each other too much? I doubt it.
By voting for Kerry, we will -- in all likelihood -- be replacing faith-based, uncritical ideological thinking with fact-based, critical ideological thinking. Listen: if there is a god, he has no interest in you or me. He’s probably busier carrying Faulkner home after a heavy night of drinking, or giving Che Guevera high fives. Stop imposing your silly little stories and dreams on us, we’re trying to have an evolution here. (I do not mean to denigrate all religious people. There are many great religious people in the world. But they do not believe it should have any place in our government, or that their beliefs should be imposed on anyone else, or that it is the only guiding moral compass in the world****. Or, at least, they keep that crazy shit to themselves.)
Perhaps most importantly, remember that Bush is a dick. Forget the monkey frat boy bullshit; he’s a fucking fake and a liar. We can’t have that behavior in this establishment. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. To paraphrase Eminem, go to IRaq, strap on a AK-47 and impress daddy that way. We don’t need you.*****
Evironment, education, taxes, etc. You know the drill.******
When all is said and done, whoever wins, life will still mostly suck. So I will have continue my plan of writing a shitty book, selling it to a shitty production company, watching the shitty movie they make, and taking the shitty American money and moving to the south of France, where Johnny Depp and I can smoke blunts and swap wives. Yes, whatever happens on Tuesday, I’ll still have my useless dreams and boundless piety.
Yours truly,
Dodgy Goodtimes
*Yes, I am an elitist who thinks that Bush-voters are ignorant and stupid.
**In the interests of full-disclosure.
***Rim shot! Ugh. Good moods make for bad puns.
****That really gets me.
*****Sorry there weren't more meaningful footnotes.
******Seriously, why am I writing this?
And yeah, it's more of an "endorsement against" Bush than anything. But so what? What choice does any educated, thinking person really have?* Sure, the odds of a Kerry or Bush presidency having a direct effect on my life are pretty small; right, Trey Parker? I am middle class, I am white, I am male, and I am right-handed (though I skateboard as a left-handed person would**).
I live in Manhattan and work in the Empire State Building. And, to be honest with you, I don’t ever fear for my life. I think the chances of a terrorist attack like 9/11 reoccurring (in America) are very small. All the same, I don’t want to die (ever), and I don’t want anyone I care about to die -- and it appears to me that Bush cannot defend this country. He sure as hell couldn’t three years ago. Hell, even if he was better than Kerry in this regard -- which he’s not -- I’m not sooooo scaaaared that my little life trumps the progress of mankind, which Bush is clearly intent on retarding.
Speaking of scary shit outside of your control, what if, somewhere down the road, I or someone I care about is stricken with Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s? As Laura Bush so eloquently put it, there is no guarantee that stem cell research will cure these ailments, but can we really afford to sit and wonder “what if” when God decides to shake us like a polaroid picture?*** Scientific progress has a fighting chance with Kerry in office.
Then there’s the war in Iraq. Holy shit, are we fucked. Can Kerry really internationalize the forces? Good luck, buddy, you’re going to need it. I cannot speak directly of Kerry’s plans for Iraq (really, who has time to keep up with Kerry when Bush fucks up as much as he does?), but you can read a good, reasoned analysis here. Personally, I don’t believe there will be a draft any time soon, no matter who is elected, but at the rate Bush is going, who can say that today’s germ-ridden, 5 year-old kid isn’t going to be in the desert 15 years from now?
Oh yeah. Like most assholes, I believe that gay people should be afforded all the same rights as straight and asexual people. Abortion should remain legal, if only in the event that I myself get pregnant, and sex education should be taught in the schools, I don’t care how squeamish some parents may get. It's for the greater good. In fact, my fundie friends, the gagortion rate has gone up since Bush took (and I mean took) office. Is it because people are loving each other too much? I doubt it.
By voting for Kerry, we will -- in all likelihood -- be replacing faith-based, uncritical ideological thinking with fact-based, critical ideological thinking. Listen: if there is a god, he has no interest in you or me. He’s probably busier carrying Faulkner home after a heavy night of drinking, or giving Che Guevera high fives. Stop imposing your silly little stories and dreams on us, we’re trying to have an evolution here. (I do not mean to denigrate all religious people. There are many great religious people in the world. But they do not believe it should have any place in our government, or that their beliefs should be imposed on anyone else, or that it is the only guiding moral compass in the world****. Or, at least, they keep that crazy shit to themselves.)
Perhaps most importantly, remember that Bush is a dick. Forget the monkey frat boy bullshit; he’s a fucking fake and a liar. We can’t have that behavior in this establishment. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. To paraphrase Eminem, go to IRaq, strap on a AK-47 and impress daddy that way. We don’t need you.*****
Evironment, education, taxes, etc. You know the drill.******
When all is said and done, whoever wins, life will still mostly suck. So I will have continue my plan of writing a shitty book, selling it to a shitty production company, watching the shitty movie they make, and taking the shitty American money and moving to the south of France, where Johnny Depp and I can smoke blunts and swap wives. Yes, whatever happens on Tuesday, I’ll still have my useless dreams and boundless piety.
Yours truly,
Dodgy Goodtimes
*Yes, I am an elitist who thinks that Bush-voters are ignorant and stupid.
**In the interests of full-disclosure.
***Rim shot! Ugh. Good moods make for bad puns.
****That really gets me.
*****Sorry there weren't more meaningful footnotes.
******Seriously, why am I writing this?
posted by colin carlson at 10:17 PM
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