Ridiculity

Pathetic. Easily proven lies. But I can't be bothered with research; if you can read, you already know.

UPDATE: Not neccesarily research, but this is interesting nonetheless.

Ballad Men, the Lot of 'Em

I knew something was missing from the War on Terra.

Some Relief

Mr. Show's David Cross reviews some of this year's hottest video games!

If you're so inclined, here is some more hilarity.

What a Dick

Your president (not mine, I now live in a disused log cabin in DodgyLand, an hour west of Toronto; hence my lamentable absence) put on quite a show today at his first press conference in 34 years. Here are my favorite parts, collected from other blogs around the web.

When asked whether or not he would promise to have troops out of Iraq in a year, he accused the reporter of asking “a trick question.”

REPORTER: Secondly, can you promise a year from now that you'll have reduced the number of troops in Iraq?

SHRUB:  The second question is a trick question, so I won't answer it.

Here’s another funny exchange:

Q: Thank you, sir. Mr. President, your policies on the Middle East seem, so far, to have produced pretty meager results as the violence between Israelis and Palestinians --

THE PRESIDENT: Major or meager?

Q: Meager.

THE PRESIDENT: Oh, okay.

Q: Meager.

THE PRESIDENT: Meager.

The coup de grace, however, was his blaming the crew of the USS Lincoln for putting up the “Mission Accomplished” banner the night he declared major combat over.

Of course, this has since been summarily disproved. I'm glad I didn't watch any news tonight. Fire. FIRE!

A bird in the hand....

An accomplished man, indeed.

It's good to be on the winning team (aka We sure liberated the fuck out of Iraq) (aka Help! A donkey kicked my friend!)

Casualties between 1700 and 2215 on Thursday 23 October
at Yarmouk Hospital Emergency Surgical Ward, Baghdad

Bullet injuries 5 (four accidental, one critical)
Blast injuries 10 (at least two critically injured)
Knife wounds 4
Other violence 4
RTAs 5 (one death)
Other accidents 15
Other medical cases 11
Kicked by donkey 1
Total 55

From BBC News

The most useful link EVER!

A bartender guide that tells you all the drinks you can make with the liquor that has been left (that's the joke) on your shelf.

Why I Hate Conservatives

And tend to lump them together. Oh, well. Here.

Capsule Album Reviews

The Strokes, Room on Fire
If you liked the first album, you’ll like this one. It’s shorter, though.

The Shins, Chutes Too Narrow
If you loved the first album, you’ll really like this one, too.

David Bowie, Reality
If you liked his last album, you don’t like David Bowie, but you should give this a spin.

Believe it or not, I once got paid to do this sort of thing.

Bush Is a Great President, Too!

The Post is great.

Wanna Get Angry?

Read this transcript from a great news show.

Choke, spittle, bleat

We. Are. Fucked.

i was tied into
bland circadian rhythms
till she said: “watch birds.”

Angry Post (...or dodgy goodtimes in an easy-to-swallow caplet) (under construction)

If only you'd paid the least amount of attention to.. (*no moral equivilance implied)

Holocaust.
Slavery.
Stolen election.
Anti-Radiohead-ism.
McNabbism.
Ultra-hyphenated-scoliosis.
The commercial failure of Paul Thomas Anderson films.
Repression.
The end of poetry? Meet shitty Jack Black films.

repeat and fade... to black...

Word of adviceWord of adviceWord of advice

Don't ever let your drivers license expire... trust me.
But hey, after about 4 hours of lines, the 5 hour required class, an hour-and-a-half of practice and a 3-minute test—I've finally got my license back.
Where we goin'?

I Don't Whether to Laugh or Cry

A gift for Bill O'Reilly fans. A rundown.

Plus! Fox hates America! (Well, they love disinformation, anyway.)

If Kid Rock Wipes His Ass With It, It Must Be Bad

Well, it took a while, but finally the NY Post has decided to punish (yeah, I don't know the right word) Radiohead for not being adequately "American." This article would be irredeemably stupid if you replaced "Radiohead" with "Kid Rock." It snidely perpetuates the idea that there should be some sort of collective consciousness in America, and if a majority (even of relatively "aware" music fans) doesn't agree on something, it is wrong. You may think I'm reading too much into this, but that means you don't ever have to look at the NY Post. "America's oldest continuously published daily piece of bullshit."

BuShit!

"I have no idea whether we'll find out who the leaker is. I'd like to. I want to know the truth," said My Ass earlier today.

Hatespeak

Things like declaring Marriage Protection Week on the fifth anniversary of Matthew Shephard's death, you know, are just code words to your President's sickening base. Remember, he announced his distaste for Affirmative Action on MLK Day, too.

I Shit You Not

A poem by your president:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my, lump in the bed
How I've missed you.
Roses are redder
Bluer am I
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.
The dogs and the cat, they missed you too
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier.

Again, I shit you not.

You'll always be my friend

Beer saves man's life

Just Click the Ad, For God's Sake

King Kaufman (the best national sportswriter, I think) offers a different take on Rush and McNabb.

Important Plume

So little time, but here.

Plus, it's a good time to be a Minnesota sports fan.